Before Walking Down The Aisle
A hungry man walked into a restaurant with the hope of enjoying a delicious plate of “afang” soup with pounded yam for lunch. The waiter came and took his order, he waited patiently for the food to be served. At last the food was served, and he was eager to savour the sweetness of the food but unfortunately, there was no salt in the soup. The soup had no taste, his hope of having a delicious meal was dashed.

Lack of empathy in a relationship/marriage is like a pot of soup without salt. When you fail to build Empathy while in courtship, your hope of savouring the sweetness in marriage may be dashed. Empathy is a key ingredient for a healthy relationship/marriage. It is one of the 5 Emotional Intelligence Competencies. U.C. Berkley researchers (Levenson and Ruef) defined Empathy as the ability to detect accurately the emotional information being transmitted by another person. It is the ability to understand and share in the feeling of others. It is the ability to put on the emotional shoes of another.

Someone with high Empathy will listen well and understand the perspective of his/her spouse, be ready to help out based on understanding your needs and feelings, see your world and communicate understanding, appreciate you as a human begin and will not be quick to judge or condemn you. In marriage, Empathy is an action, it goes beyond simply understanding. It is not sympathy, sympathy is pity with distance from your spouse’s feelings. Empathy is feeling with your spouse, rather than feeling sorry for him/her.

Empathy is a skill that you can learn, you must not be born with it. It is very important you learn and build this skill now that you’re still courting. Your relationship/marriage will be free from every form of violence once you are able to build empathy. Always listen with attention, don’t fake emotions, don’t judge, shift your perspectives and see another person’s point of view. Emotional mastery is needed for a healthy marriage, emotional wellbeing and productivity.

©Charity Odu Before Walking Down The Aisle

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